i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
