I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
