3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
