I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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