Whod you bang
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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