Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Who did Billy Mays play for?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
