It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
