just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
