My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
