I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
