I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
