you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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