Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
