That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
