Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
