Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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