Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
