Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
