But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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