Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
