Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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