based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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