went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
