Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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