I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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