cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No I am not eating basil off your cock
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
