return my video game
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
