It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
