in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
