a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize