i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
nutella sex= disaster
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
