Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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