Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize