On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
