I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
why do cheetos always look like penises
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
