Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
