Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
