my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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