don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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