mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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