Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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