I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
