I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
