And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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