just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have aggressive nipples.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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