I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Quick, to the slutcave!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I would fuck him just for his dog
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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