Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
