dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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