Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
