so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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