just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
