I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He? As in you personified your dick?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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