guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
