I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
