rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
