it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
