I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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