i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
