Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
