I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
