I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
