I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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