So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
