Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
