just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize