the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
